even though my hair has been somewhat of a trademark for me, i thought i was mentally prepared for the time when the chemo would cause it to fall out.
i was not.
i braided my hair this morning, and as i separated each side into three sections, i noticed that quite a bit more hair was coming off on my fingers than usual. had the Day arrived? i went for a walk with my mom afterwards, and i could feel myself becoming more and more uptight and less and less tolerant of...everything. i was suddenly anxious to get home and deal with this hair issue. as soon as we got back, i went into the bathroom to shower and wash my hair, knowing that that would be the real test. as soon as i closed the bathroom door behind me, the tears started. i thought i was being so brave, but as soon as a few extra hairs started leaving my head, on came the waterworks. suddenly, i felt exhausted and fed up and i didn't have the desire to deal with any of the challenges of having cancer, particularly forcing myself to wash my hair and not knowing if i'd have any left afterwards.
ej knocked on the door. after some hugs and a good cry, i felt better able to step into the shower. the shampooing went pretty well, but it was the conditioning and detangling that proved that i had not been imagining things. my hair was thinning at a remarkably fast rate. i made a pile of hair at the far end of the shower and when i was done, i still had some left on my head. hurrah!
i asked my mom to cut my hair short. somehow it seems that short hair would make the transition to baldness a little easier. my mom separated it into little ponytails, per the instructions on the "hip hats with hair" website. (i think i'm going to order the "scarfabulous". thank you, hanna, for discovering this!) of course, each step was documented with photographs.
this is the pile of hair i left behind in the shower. it looked as if some animal had crawled into the tub.
before the cutting began.
the first cut. am i laughing or am i crying? it looks like someone slipped something into my drink. or it looks like i need a drink.
luckily, i started out with plenty of hair, so even after the massive thinning, there was still plenty to cut off.
the Half and Half
cleaning it up
the Scarf Look.
i wouldn't mind keeping it this length.
let's see how long it lasts.